I didn’t want this. To come up here because I’m supposed to write about it now. I did Gaines Road. I thought I was done. There’s nothing here. It’s just a road, a short road heralded by a sign post. Next they’ll be wanting me to write about Money Road. That’ll be the day. And soon. I often wonder why there’s no “Crooks Road” because I thought it was “Crooks Gaines Money”. What happened to that?
“Crooks Road. What do you know about it?”
“Nothing. Same as you.”
“We need answers now. Who were you up there with?”
I shouldn’t say that. My mother-in-law was in the car too when we drove in that day. You want to see a lot of nothing in anticipation of you don’t know what? Take that journey. Bear dens. Winter bonfires. Safety crew. That may be today, but none of that was happening then. Just the three of us. Security in numbers. But what we didn’t know is there’s no security in numbers. That was the movie we watched the night before at camp but now we were facing reality. I hate reality. Ving Rhames was in it.
It’s not important now. It’s in the cloud. I didn’t need the actual LP so to the free store with it. I knew somebody’d give it a home. It depends what you’re looking for but if you’re looking for gold, even if it’s fool’s gold, you never know what you’re going to find down there and everyone’s different. It’s good thing.
My inner voice is talking to my imaginary friend. Settle down. We’re in this together. We have to do this. It’s important. Gaines Road lit up the board this morning. We always check the board over coffee and pancakes or bacon and eggs to see what’s going on. I always enjoyed hash browns in camp at breakfast too but nobody else’s into it these days so they’ve fallen off. Too bad. What’s the big board got for us today?
So I knew I’d be coming up here. Plus I was drawn here. I know it sounds like a contradiction but it came to me in a dream the night before. I could feel “Gaines Road”. It was like a living thing and we were touching each other gently, trying to understand each other as if we were both blind.
It was weird. We were both things. We knew we were alive, we existed, but we weren’t like you and me. We were entities of some sort. We were different and we could tell we both liked things that were different. I remember feeling almost hypnotized with excitement but I was okay to drive.
But now I’m driving in by myself because it’s another day and my mother-in-law’s in a nursing home. Why she went and did a thing like that I have no idea. It was time, I guess. That’s what everyone says. Time is a killer.
It’s her daughter I’m concerned about. She’s wandered off again. It’s a game we play. And I’m supposed to find her and maybe Gaines Road is the place for this heartfelt reunion. I hope so. There’s nothing else to do. We’re stuck here. I shouldn’t say that either especially when it isn’t true, but that’s the way I am sometimes. A pain.
I’d rather burn down the cabin than the house, but that’s me. Tear it all down what’s the use? I’m in a reckless mood. How would she like that, eh? I’ll relieve you of those flowers now, Grandma. You’re out. We make the decisions now. Welcome to double-cross island.
I was thinking about some of this stuff and I’m driving up Gaines Road. Aging and everything. The kindest person I ever knew. Otherwise I’m without a care in the world. It feels good. And not a whole lot has changed. And there’s nobody here. Surprise surprise. It’s not really a dead end. It’s more a no more to explore thing, the work of a few seconds. Blink and you’ll miss it.